Fruiteloop
Community Member
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As per @TerryHauck suggestion:
The key point I think exemplifies the problem is the skills each person has in maintaining balance in their emotions well realizing or not that not everyone reasons in a different way from themselves.
Not everyone is going to be against you just because they disagree with you.
There is often the perception that disagreement = bullying.
Bullying does happen but rather at higher levels of disagreement where misunderstanding goes into the extreme. So little kids will bully more because they understand less and some adults will bully because they reached a limit in what they can tolerate and explain to others. Most people want to be understood more than they want to understand others because in the past this was the case for them and anything different may seem unfamiliar creating disequilibrium.
The more different people are or the more people cannot reach certain points of agreement the more they feel a disequilibrium and it comes out as an emotional disturbance. The subtle clues are in the fact that we generally have people keep a distance from those that disagree with themselves as this keeps us safe and secure in our minds. Fighting is bad so we avoid fighting by not talking about our differences that would make us consider things uncomfortable to us thinking about them. With those that do like to fight, most people see them as people to be avoided. So if anyone becomes too much trouble they are placed in that category in the other person's mind that cannot handle such thoughts being forced onto them. Unfortunately there are people that need to be right and this does turn into bullying but people sometimes cannot tell the normal discourse has a purpose which is to understand different perspectives without becoming involved emotionally and they simply cannot do it. So this will make people not understand that it is ok to talk about subjects sometimes but create a disillusionment of what can be discussed. It is simply a matter of what has put them beyond their limits in the past and made them have a disequilibrium, reinforcing an emotion on some issues they hold to be of importance because they get push back in the first place. People will want agreement and not disagreement and work hard to find that agreement making it an exception to listen to others on only those areas they can handle at any given time.
So it is like a self boundary on what people can and cannot discuss.
Depending on what they avoid and what they feel must be understood by others.
It is a psychological part of a person not to overreach but at the same time demand comprehension from others.
Rarely is is just about understanding others but wants other to understand them. So a distance is created by hurt feelings.
Sometimes a person can step back and distance themselves from themselves to see what is actually going on but emotions do not often let people do this.
Learning to listen is a tool for helping oneself not because in such delemias. People have problems listening and this inability does not help them.
We want to feel secure so the way we do so is keep around us people that listen to us, agree with and help us. That is the majority of people.
The key point I think exemplifies the problem is the skills each person has in maintaining balance in their emotions well realizing or not that not everyone reasons in a different way from themselves.
Not everyone is going to be against you just because they disagree with you.
There is often the perception that disagreement = bullying.
Bullying does happen but rather at higher levels of disagreement where misunderstanding goes into the extreme. So little kids will bully more because they understand less and some adults will bully because they reached a limit in what they can tolerate and explain to others. Most people want to be understood more than they want to understand others because in the past this was the case for them and anything different may seem unfamiliar creating disequilibrium.
The more different people are or the more people cannot reach certain points of agreement the more they feel a disequilibrium and it comes out as an emotional disturbance. The subtle clues are in the fact that we generally have people keep a distance from those that disagree with themselves as this keeps us safe and secure in our minds. Fighting is bad so we avoid fighting by not talking about our differences that would make us consider things uncomfortable to us thinking about them. With those that do like to fight, most people see them as people to be avoided. So if anyone becomes too much trouble they are placed in that category in the other person's mind that cannot handle such thoughts being forced onto them. Unfortunately there are people that need to be right and this does turn into bullying but people sometimes cannot tell the normal discourse has a purpose which is to understand different perspectives without becoming involved emotionally and they simply cannot do it. So this will make people not understand that it is ok to talk about subjects sometimes but create a disillusionment of what can be discussed. It is simply a matter of what has put them beyond their limits in the past and made them have a disequilibrium, reinforcing an emotion on some issues they hold to be of importance because they get push back in the first place. People will want agreement and not disagreement and work hard to find that agreement making it an exception to listen to others on only those areas they can handle at any given time.
So it is like a self boundary on what people can and cannot discuss.
Depending on what they avoid and what they feel must be understood by others.
It is a psychological part of a person not to overreach but at the same time demand comprehension from others.
Rarely is is just about understanding others but wants other to understand them. So a distance is created by hurt feelings.
Sometimes a person can step back and distance themselves from themselves to see what is actually going on but emotions do not often let people do this.
Learning to listen is a tool for helping oneself not because in such delemias. People have problems listening and this inability does not help them.
We want to feel secure so the way we do so is keep around us people that listen to us, agree with and help us. That is the majority of people.
