Honest question for this community: what would actually make an online INFJ space feel safe to you?

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textpest

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I've spent a while in different INFJ spaces online — Facebook groups, a couple of subreddits, forums like this one — and I keep noticing the same pattern: they're either wide open, where anyone can join and there's not much stopping bad actors from wandering in, or they've quietly gone dead because nobody feels safe enough to actually say anything real.

I'm curious whether that's just my own experience, or something a lot of you have run into too.

A few honest questions, if you're willing to share:
  • Have you ever left an INFJ group or community because it stopped feeling safe or trustworthy — too public, too easy for the wrong people to get in, too much low-effort noise?
  • What would actually make an online space feel safe enough that you'd let your guard down in it? A vetting or approval step before joining? A smaller group size? Something else entirely?
  • Has anything ever made you trust a stranger-run online community, versus being wary of it by default?
  • If a space asked for a small barrier to entry — not to profit off members, but specifically to filter out people who aren't serious — would that read as reasonable to you, or as a red flag?
Not trying to sell anything here — genuinely trying to understand whether this is a real gap, or something I'm projecting from my own experience. Curious what this community thinks, since you all clearly know what you're looking for in a space like this better than most.
 
Hi @textpest.

I’ve been here since 2022. This is the only INFJ group I’ve been involved in.

Umai said:
I think the 100- post minimum for the blogs just about does the trick,
Click to expand...
Yup—it’s genius.

Also, we have great admins that are invested. I have seen a lot of wisdom from them in how things have been handled.

I think every place goes through different seasons though. When there’s even just one “bad actor” it can really impact the general vibe. Also, when there is an influx of people of different typologies, dynamics can shift a lot. I haven’t been here long, but I’ve seen things cycle and then come to homeostasis more than once.

What about you @textpest, have you had any positive experiences with an online community? Are you willing to invest somewhere? Why are you here? Just for research?
 
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textpest said:
Have you ever left an INFJ group or community because it stopped feeling safe or trustworthy — too public, too easy for the wrong people to get in, too much low-effort noise?
Click to expand...
Yes, this one. It's not that it changed, but it got to me, so I had to get away for a time.
textpest said:
Has anything ever made you trust a stranger-run online community, versus being wary of it by default?
Click to expand...
Openness, humor and vulnerability. Ability to lurk, at least in the public area. Over there it used to have a lot of play and lively banter. That there is a non-public area just for members is a good thing.
textpest said:
If a space asked for a small barrier to entry — not to profit off members, but specifically to filter out people who aren't serious — would that read as reasonable to you, or as a red flag?
Click to expand...
Red flag, obviously. The INTJ forum is an example of that, from what I heard of.
 
Things that make me feel unsafe include new users who run AI-powered marketing companies asking questions about unsafe communities in a community space meant for exploring ideas, emotions, and healing.

Uh Oh Idk GIF by slicedbread
 
@textpest

As long as I can smell the coffee, I stay.
If a forum lacks or loses that I'll drift away -
I'm not the kind of person to feel unsafe in a forum, but I lose interest and heart
when the writing on the tin doesn't match the coffee within.
 
Umai said:
I'm not a actually an infj but I think the 100- post minimum for the blogs just about does the trick, together with the expected etiquette for that section. And my blog has the added security feature of being pretty boring which keeps most people away anyway.
Click to expand...

That's an interesting thought about the 100-post minimum. I'm noodling something for INFJs but this feedback is critical. Thanks!
 
Asa said:
Things that make me feel unsafe include new users who run AI-powered marketing companies asking questions about unsafe communities in a community space meant for exploring ideas, emotions, and healing.

Uh Oh Idk GIF by slicedbread
Click to expand...
I didn't mean to sound like AI. I'm an INFJ (enneagram 8) and was trying to get a read on whether other INFJs have similar online needs as I do. I hope that means that this group is super safe - it sounds like it from the several folks who replied. I apologize if I sounded like a marketing company.
 
textpest said:
I didn't mean to sound like AI. I'm an INFJ (enneagram 8) and was trying to get a read on whether other INFJs have similar online needs as I do. I hope that means that this group is super safe - it sounds like it from the several folks who replied. I apologize if I sounded like a marketing company.
Click to expand...
You know, never accept candy from strangers . Makes sense ?

-Giammarco
 
Honestly, I thought the post was being conducted by the site itself. It seemed like a good idea to me at first because a good site will seek feedback from it's customers.

I haven't been online as much lately and haven't seen the thread again until now.

As for safety... I don't believe there is "safe," when it comes to being online. The only determining factor between what is safe and not-safe is when there is something a person has AND another person wants combined with the ability to take it. With the technology coming available today, someone always has the ability to take from someone else.

Bottom line: Don't put anything online that you don't want someone else to take and/or use against you.
 
Wyote said:
I watched this the other day, it's pretty good
Click to expand...
good listen. my initial reaction to the news stories was that the tech billionaires freaked out because they thought they might loose money. I gotta say hearing the President's reassuring words was a great comfort. I would love to see some reasonable speculation of what harm might be done by a swarm of AI agents on our infrastructure....I would also suppose that because the President is so pro AI and that the top brass of the military as been reformed in his image it would not be a stretch to believe that the US military may already be AI embedded.
 
direction vs intention. Patel discusses criticisms of anthormophization in his reporting of the story and points to intentionality of the swarm of agents. Is there a difference between following a directive and having an intention? I kinda think there is but am lacking the proper vocabulary to parse it out.
 
That seems to be the main criticism. but his goal was to put it in simple digestible terms which imo he achieved well.
It's important not to anthrpomorphize in these circumstances but my brain already knows that pretty solidly.
It's a video for people who don't have degrees in computing, which would provide better terminology depending on the field - machine learning and cybersecurity
 
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textpest said:
I've spent a while in different INFJ spaces online — Facebook groups, a couple of subreddits, forums like this one — and I keep noticing the same pattern: they're either wide open, where anyone can join and there's not much stopping bad actors from wandering in, or they've quietly gone dead because nobody feels safe enough to actually say anything real.

I'm curious whether that's just my own experience, or something a lot of you have run into too.

A few honest questions, if you're willing to share:
  • Have you ever left an INFJ group or community because it stopped feeling safe or trustworthy — too public, too easy for the wrong people to get in, too much low-effort noise?
  • What would actually make an online space feel safe enough that you'd let your guard down in it? A vetting or approval step before joining? A smaller group size? Something else entirely?
  • Has anything ever made you trust a stranger-run online community, versus being wary of it by default?
  • If a space asked for a small barrier to entry — not to profit off members, but specifically to filter out people who aren't serious — would that read as reasonable to you, or as a red flag?
Not trying to sell anything here — genuinely trying to understand whether this is a real gap, or something I'm projecting from my own experience. Curious what this community thinks, since you all clearly know what you're looking for in a space like this better than most.
Click to expand...
Safe. Oh yes. Safe is what we are after. I don't feel safe unless...well...you know.
 
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